Post by acgla on Nov 28, 2009 14:54:59 GMT -5
It's pretty much what the title says. I'm going to quote here the general plot for you guys, and then I'll post the parts of the script I've got done. I'm needing another extra-writer to help me polish and finish the parts I'm stuck with, I mean, I've got the storyline and character sheet done (which I'll post in the Wave if anyone is interested 
but the actual script is a bit hard for me, it's about the first time I've done not-prose works. I've read a bunch of comic scripts, so I know the general idea of it but I'd like someone to help me with the parts I'm not explaining well or, you know, anything.
Plot:
Well, tell me what you think guys, don't pull any punches.
but the actual script is a bit hard for me, it's about the first time I've done not-prose works. I've read a bunch of comic scripts, so I know the general idea of it but I'd like someone to help me with the parts I'm not explaining well or, you know, anything.Plot:
There is no actual land in this world. There is only the sky, and a few islands floating around. Sky-continents. None of them have much connection with each other, but this particular one just happened to develop blimps with the capacity for inter-continental travel. And this man, Andy, our protagonist, has been a fan of the sky since he was a kid. He became a cartographer and has been tasked with the job of making a map of the sky. He sets out on his blimp to find new and exciting lands, but he falls asleep and crashes into an unknown continent.
This unknown continent is a theocratic, totalitarian Empire. Andy is healed by the military and then interrogated as to how his blimp works. They communicate via drawings. Eventually, they figure out everything he knew, from how to build the blimp to where his home continent was, and they release him. He finds shelter in the bar of a kind old man who allows him to work as a bartender and a series of events eventually lead him to meet a courier, Emily (if I remember correctly, the bible file is not on this computer ), who he befriends and eventually finds out that she wants to join an underground resistance. As an amateur engineer, he helps her with what she does for the resistance, which is manufacturing bombs and perhaps weapons*, until they take her into the organization. He does this all because she has mentioned the existence of a resistance-owned blimp, which he plans on using to get back to his land.
This unknown continent is a theocratic, totalitarian Empire. Andy is healed by the military and then interrogated as to how his blimp works. They communicate via drawings. Eventually, they figure out everything he knew, from how to build the blimp to where his home continent was, and they release him. He finds shelter in the bar of a kind old man who allows him to work as a bartender and a series of events eventually lead him to meet a courier, Emily (if I remember correctly, the bible file is not on this computer ), who he befriends and eventually finds out that she wants to join an underground resistance. As an amateur engineer, he helps her with what she does for the resistance, which is manufacturing bombs and perhaps weapons*, until they take her into the organization. He does this all because she has mentioned the existence of a resistance-owned blimp, which he plans on using to get back to his land.
[Note: If you want to make any changes to the layout and/or details, just do it and don’t worry about it. I’d rather not be known as the guy who imitates Alan Moore.]
First Page
First Page, Panel One: Fluffy, amorphous looking cloud, set on top of a clear blue sky with not another cloud in sight. The cloud should look huge, covering at least a third of the panel with the top part of the cloud and possibly the bottom of panel with the other. Not exactly a triangle, more like an stretched L shape that dies out near the top.
First Page, Panel Two: Close up on the intersection between the two lines in the “L” or around that area, and swirl is starting to form there. It should also be off center, I mean, the focus should be on the left of the panel.
First Page, Panel Three: The airship is now in full view, having left a hole in the cloud as it passed by. It isn’t going very fast, so the cloud shouldn’t have any long shreds of it going in the airship’s direction, but the ship itself should have some cloud shreds hanging from it, as it has a lot of nooks amd creaks. The ship is completely on the center of the panel. The design as I see it is a blimp but completely in bronze colors and kind of shabby looking, but go crazy, this part should really sell it. A caption at the top reads: “I'm a cartographer.”
Second Page
Second Page, First Panel: This one shows Andy from outside the cockpit’s window. His face should have that slight smirk of someone who is enjoying themselves, but he should also have the marks of someone who hasn’t slept for a while. Baggy eyes, unshaven beard (not too dense, though), a vest with a coffee stain on it, etc. His attire should be standard steampunk pilot outfit, you know the one. Aviator hat, copper framed goggles, leather vests with lots of strings coming out of them. He could have his legs on top of the control panel, and his hand behind his head, forming a makeshift pillow. The background should be really busy, with pipes and valves going and coming from everywhere in the ship.
Second Page, Second, Third, Fourth and Fifth Panel: Four small consecutive panels closing up in Andy’s face and showing him falling asleep.
Second Page, Sixth Panel: Now we have this big panel, even bigger than the first one, showing the airship flying into a huge sky continent (reference: <http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/skyland4-722295.jpeg> <http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Laputa.jpg>). The landscape of the “skycoast” should be mountainous so we can set up the fall of the airship. It should also be flying along the same height as the mountains or in a downwards angle so they can hit each other. A caption reads: "Not one of my finest moments."
Third Page
Third Page, Panel One: Blurry shot of Andy’s face, now wearing a bunch of teared, bloodied clothes. They’re his own.
Third Page, Panel Two: This is a larger shot and it shows a full body shot of Andy by the chandelier’s POV (I’m reasonably sure there is a correct name for this but I can’t seem to recall what it is). He should look like he just woke up, and his torso and left pec should be covered in bandages. The remains of his old clothes are still on him, but torn up and thrown to the sides. The bed and room are really minimalistic, as it’s an infirmary inside a military tent.
Third Page, Panel Three: Smaller shot. This one is obscured, as it’s coming from the side. It’s a figure, but you shouldn’t be able to recognize anything about, it’s just sort of a dark blob set in front of the blurred background. A speech bubble says “<We found you. You’ll be fine.>" But the audience doesn't know this; just fill it with random symbols. There should be a typeface for this.
Third Page, Panel Four: Black panel. Caption says “After some searing pain and random flashbacks to my life before joining the corps, I realized I was in a non-optimal situation. Coloquially speaking, I was totally screwed.”
Fourth Page
Fourth Page, Panel Three: Establishing shot of a what would be a non-descript, victorian building if it was in the middle of a city. it's in the middle of the plains next to a forest, surrounded by walls and guards.
Fourth Page, Panel Two: Andy is facing the "camera", and is sitting straight up. The walls are a bit crusty and stained, but are mostly a dark gray. Concrete. It looks like days have gone by; he no longer has scars on his face, and is wearing new clothes. He looks shaken, with a long distance stare.
Fourth Page, Panel Three: Someone off-panel gives him a pencil, and a scrap of metal. Looks like part of an engine. Andy is looking down. Caption says: "Can't speak their language. They can't speak mine."
Fourth Page, Panel Four: Andy gives them back a paper and the scrap of metal. Caption: "They keep me alive, and in return I explain how my airship worked, via drawings. They don't seem to have the technology to fly inter-continental trips. Not to say I knew _we_ did."
Fourth Page, Panel Five: The off-screen man hands Andy another piece of metal. Andy stares at it, sighing, and begins the process again. I should mention that the camera doesn't move at all in this panels. Caption says: "I hope this doesn't go on for too long."
Fifth Page
Fifth Page, Panel One: Caption at the top reads: "It went on for entirely too long."Well, tell me what you think guys, don't pull any punches.
